


I have always loved her!

by goldenwolfrose



Category: Blindspot (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Denial of Feelings, F/F, Fluff, Freeform, Friends to Lovers, Happy Ending, Non-Canon Relationship, Not Beta Read, Sorry Not Sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-01
Updated: 2018-04-01
Packaged: 2019-04-16 15:58:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,387
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14168409
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/goldenwolfrose/pseuds/goldenwolfrose
Summary: I suck at summaries sorry.This was a fic that started off a gif from the latest episode. Sent it to my Jane and this happened, cause that look as Jane talks about lying to people. I'm sorry.Jane married Weller but there was something missing. She ignored whatever it was and tried to be the best wife, and FBI agent she could and live up to what people wanted her to be. Because of a conversation with Zapata, she realizes something. Patterson is a nervous wreck cause reasons!





	I have always loved her!

**Author's Note:**

> A/N-- AU verse since this little ship of ours is never going to be canon. Takes some liberties with canon and the last episode (Mum's the Word, 3x17) because no kid and Weller Jane isn't happy ever after, plus the reason for the gals being undercover doesn't matter. 
> 
> Jane/Patterson centered and end game. Weller and Jane do happen and it sucks for Kurt because of what happens but it's not that bad. Nothing against Jane Weller just not my ship!
> 
> Please forgive any spelling or other errors...unbeta'd
> 
> Comments and Kudos are love! Always looking for more suggestions and betas!

Prompt, from this gif--

“I’ve been in your shoes. Forced to lie to the people I care about the most. But at the end of the day. We’re family.”

********************************************************************

It should have been an easy op. Jane and Zapata were supposed to just observe and mingle. They never planned on anything else. Looking back Patterson probably should have known that something would go wrong. The number of ops that had gone right for her team was far outweighed by those that blew up and ended with someone bleeding. But, Patterson agreed that it would be a calm night and both women could easily handle something if a problem came up.

The ease of the mission didn’t really help though, and much like every other mission, Patterson was in her lab monitoring everything and trying not to panic about someone. She tried to rationalize that she was stressed over the entire team, and she was, but Jane was always at the forefront of her panic. There had been too many close calls for Jane, too many knife wounds and too many nights where Patterson had nightmares of Jane’s funeral.

There was no reason for Patterson to be so nervous, at least no logical one. Jane was with Weller, Patterson had gone to the wedding with the team and ended up really drunk, so it wasn’t her place to worry about her.

The only person that saw it was Tasha, she’d been there to hold her hair the morning after the wedding when Patterson was throwing up. Tasha knew Patterson was in love with Jane had been for a long time, but Weller had always been there, always the choice Jane ‘should’ make.

Working with Jane and Weller after their honeymoon had been hard at first. To avoid it though Patterson just buried herself in the tattoos and avoided the knowing looks from Zapata. Not that Zapata had any room to talk with the way she looked at Reade.

For once though it wasn’t a gunshot or a terrorist attack that blew up tonight’s mission, it was just a casual conversation. The criminal mastermind they were supposed to be gathering intel on hadn’t shown up yet and the women were just walking the room trying to blend in.

Patterson didn’t even realize what was going to happen until it did, not like she would have been able to do anything from her lab. Maybe cut the comms so Weller didn’t hear or something but she didn’t and it was too late now.

It was the simplest thing that started it, Zapata apologizing for the things she had to keep from the team the lies she had told.

“I never thought I would end up there” Zapata began, “one lie led to another and then I was working for the CIA.”

Zapata pauses briefly as she feels Jane place her hand on her arm, a gesture Jane hopes conveys her understanding.

“The things I had to keep from all of you” Tasha quietly adds, “the lies. It was like I was living a double life. A life I was supposed to, being the perfect woman the perfect FBI agent and then some other person.”

Jane can’t help it as she pulls back her hand as Tasha mentions living a double life. There is something about that example that clicks in Jane’s head.

She’d had tried ignoring it, she married Weller she tried being the woman people thought she should have been. And she loved Weller, who wouldn’t, he was an amazing and caring man and there was something there once. But even that something wasn’t right, it wasn’t the dream love Jane had seen with someone else.

Jane had hoped that the person she had dreamed about would make a move would even object during the wedding. Something anything, so that Jane knew the other person felt it too. But they didn’t and Jane carried on and tried to be the perfect wife for Weller.

But, Tasha talking about lying and living a double life, made Jane forget they were on comms and the rest of the team could hear what they were talking about. Jane probably should not have said anything but she did it just sort of spilled out.

“I’ve been in your shoes.” Jane begins quietly, “Forced to lie to the people I care about the most.” Pausing their walk around the room turning towards Zapata, “But at the end of the day. We’re family.”

It should have stopped there. Everything would have been fine. The mission, the rest of the night wouldn’t have blown up like it did. But in true team fashion, Jane didn’t stop and everything went sideways.

Taking a deep breath, “….and I love her” without even pausing at the fact she just admitted that, “I’ve loved her for so long but I tried. I tried to be what everyone thought I should be.”

It’s the look on Zapata’s face that Jane sees when she looks back at the other woman which causes Jane to stop before admitting anything else.

Splashed across Zapata’s face is a mixture of emotions and Jane can’t tell which one is most obvious. The glimmer in Tasha’s eyes, like she’s know about her feelings, is what Jane should focus on. Instead, Jane finds herself focusing on the shocked way her lips have curled up.

That look, the way Zapata’s lips curled into a face of worry and almost shock is what pulls Jane back to the mission at hand and the realization that they were still on comms, and that everyone and she knows it was probably everyone heard her confession.

Outside of the ballroom, Reade can only watch as Weller takes out his earpiece and walks away.

No one though can see the look Patterson’s face, the pained look that doesn’t go away until she is back in her apartment. That look stays as the team, minus Weller, comes back and everyone quietly heads home not really talking about what had happened that night.

All the what ifs and could have been’s just wiggle and burrow their way into her brain and Patterson knows that booze is definitely a must tonight, even if she largely avoided the liquid since the wedding. And in the safety of her bedroom, Patterson does exactly that and she drinks and she drinks until the only thing she can feel is the floaty buzz calming her mind.

That next morning probably wouldn’t have been so bad if there hadn’t been a constant loud knock at the front door. In Patterson’s hung over mind each pound at the door reverberated and grew. She wanted to ignore the pounding but there was no way she wouldn’t wind up with a migraine if she didn’t stop the worsening noise.

The stumble to her front door was as ungraceful as a baby deer trying to walk for the first time, but she eventually gets there, much to her minds displeasure as the sounds of the door grew louder with each step.

“What?” Patterson demands as forcefully as she can while hung over, and closing her eyes to avoid the blinding sunlight she is greeted with.

The feeling of lips pressing against her own is definitely not the response she was expecting from her question. The scent that follows those lips is undeniable and without even thinking Patterson is pushing back against the kiss.

The brush of Jane’s tongue along Patterson’s lips, as she seeks entrance into Patterson’s mouth, is enough for Patterson to realize what she is doing and who she is currently kissing.

It’s definitely more forceful than her head would like as she pulls away from Jane, a painful stabbing shooting through her head. And Patterson can catch the worried look that instantly fills Jane’s face at the sudden loss of contact. Patterson had to though, Jane was married and as much as she wants Jane she won’t let Jane cheat on Weller.

Realization comes to Jane as she sees Patterson start to open her mouth, clearly about to protest what just happened.

“We talked.” Jane declares without hesitation.

“He knew. He always knew.” Jane remarks in short clipped sentences, “We ended things.”

Relief and maybe something else instantly washes across Patterson, as she reaches her hand out to Jane, “Maybe we should talk?”


End file.
